Reese napping on his favorite pillow: me

This handbook is part of Reese's legacy 🧡

Of course, all cats are special in their own way, but Reese was special far beyond just being the perfect cat for me. Countless friends and acquaintances have told me that, even though they were "not a cat person", Reese was their exception. He was like training wheels for people who didn’t understand cats.

A lot of people think that domestic cats are assholes. For many people, Reese was the cat who completely changed their opinion on cats and taught them how to better appreciate, understand, or communicate with other cats or animals. Many humans were inspired to put more energy into better understanding their own animal companions after meeting Reese. 😭

Reese taught me practically everything I know about nonverbal communication, trust, and affection. I wrote this document to process my grief and to continue sharing his teachings with the world.

Foundations of a good relationship

There is no shortcut to putting in effort, but it all boils down to some very straightforward values:

1. do your best to understand and respect cats as whole beings with complex and valid motivations, emotions, fears, past hurts or trust issues, and individual needs that you cannot make quick assumptions about
2. demonstrate your love and appreciation for them at every opportunity, in a way that they enjoy
3. trust is earned by reliably behaving in trustworthy ways

(Much of this advice applies to relationships with any mammal!)

Common cat misunderstandings

<aside> 💡 For some reason, Western society has the impression that cats are solitary and antisocial, even though it is also extremely well documented that feral cats naturally live in complex matriarchal societies similar to lion prides and will help nurse and raise other kittens in their colony. I’ve read countless mainstream articles that open with generic statements about how cats are antisocial, then immediately segue into describing their complex societies and signs of affection without missing a beat.

This PR is very bizarre and harmful to domestic cats, and I don’t have a better explanation than that perhaps the authors were projecting their frustration that strange cats don’t instantaneously fawn and grovel for them like highly needy dogs do.

Thanks to Reese, who shaped me into a true cat whisperer, I can emphatically say that every cat I’ve ever met is a complex being with lots of feelings and affections, who is willing to open up if I am respectful and patient enough with them.

Cats are actually a lot more like humans than dogs, emotionally. They just need time to get to know you a bit and assess if you’re trustworthy before being your friend. Humans need to get over their self-importance and accept that.

</aside>

In addition, most caretaker-cat misunderstandings & misbehaviors can be boiled down to one of the following:

• They have a medical/biological issue that you did not intuit because there are many ways in which cat biology is very different from human biology, or because cats are very good at hiding pain as a survival reflex.
• You are accidentally rewarding them for the exact thing you do not want them to do.
• You are not giving them a reasonable alternative outlet for the thing you do not want them to do.
• They are stressed or upset for a reason that is quite reasonable if you take the time to look at it from their perspective.
• They have not had enough socialization opportunities (you can change this).